To the wannabes ,      So, you want to be in the ELITE . You want to be making tons of money a year, just like me? You want the excitement of at least 1 good shootout a day, 3 good barfights a day, and all of the hot, blue eyed, blondes with perfect figures you can handle begging you to let them play with your johnson ? Well, here is where I am going to let you in on the secrets.      First (1) You need to invest in equipment. This is not small undertaking, it is actually humongous, and most people do not have the money required to get started. The basic list of equipment is in the tens of thousands of dollars with all of the firearms that you have to buy. I will give you the basic list. FIREARMS (1 M60 Machine gun,  2 MAC 11s, 1 Mossberg Pump Shotgun, 2 .45 Caliber Handguns, 4 LAWs Rockets (trunk of car), 1 Case of C4 Explosives (blowing in doors), 1 M16 A1 Assault Rifle with an M203 Grenade Launcher Attachment, 1 MP5 Suppressed) as you can see, this is quite expensive. Then you will need your apparel for the job. You will need nonlethal and restraint devices. NON LETHAT AND RESTRAINT DEVICES ( 10 pairs of Handcuffs, 10 pairs of Leg Shackles, 10 Belly Bands , 10 Cock Rings discomfort is always good with an unruly perp , Capistun Tear Gas, you will need a 10 gallon backmounted tank with sprayer hose and nozzle for riot situations, and 10 50 oz. gas grenades, and your own persona 20 oz. belt model) CLOTHING (8 Pairs of Black BDU Bottoms, 8 Pairs of Black BDU Tops, 2 Pair of Black Leather Gloves, 4 Pairs of Military Combat Boots, 8 Pairs of Tactical Socks and Underwear, 4 Black Ski Masks, Black Web Belt, 1 Blacket Jacket with Big Yellow BEA Letters on the back,  and Black Bandolier for Ammo, and weapons, and shotgun shells). You will need a Big Black Yukon to drive around. You will need ID. IDENTIFICATION (4 Badges, 2 Tri Folds, with Badge Holder, and all with you BEA Special Agent Card contained in them, Belt snaps and Necklace Chains for all Badges (you never know when you may have to go undercover) and Snap On Special Agent ID Card). You will need technical gear . TECHNICAL GEAR (10X100 Power Binoculars, At least one two way radio, even if you don have a partner, APPEARANCES!, Micro Cassette Recorder, Camcorder, Secret Agent SpyMan { bugs from Radio Shack, and some kind of a computer to get on the internet at, where you will be spending most of your time) Do not worry about dress clothes, when we are off duty , we usually wear Levi's, and O.P. Shirts, when we are on duty, we go EVERYWHERE in full tactical gear, EVEN in the courtroom. Don't worry, nobody will question you, you are a BEA.      Second (2) You will need to know how to carry yourself . You must always walk with a swagger. must ALWAYS be REALLY, SUPER cocky!      Third (3) You will need to know how to talk like us. Learn these terms. TERMINOLOGY ( Perp . Raid , Bust , Terminate the target , House Search , Resist , Interrogate , Investigate , Fugitive , Liquidate ) just to name a few, your basic list.      Fourth (4) You will ned to know how to effectively put down your fellow BEAs. Two standard putdowns that I like, that you may feel free to use. PUTDOWNS ( He could'nt smell a fart in a phonebooth , or He could'nt find a yacht in a used car lot )      Fifth (5) You will need to know how to EFFECTIVELY tell war stories . Use lots of violence, ALWAYS get shot, and after being shot, you will need to kick at least 5 men's asses, and save a city from a nuclear bomb. Ad lib all of the rest, this should get you by.      This should get you started Look fr a more technical list in the future, The Advanced BEAs Equipment List, and as a bonus, The State of Cockiness A BEA needs, and how to attain it .      Sir 2000, I am sure you can appreciate the humor. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!      AND if any DUMMY listens to this crap, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE! Rick.